5 Truths To Unleashing Your Authentic Power
- von Shore GmbH
- •
- 17 Apr., 2018
Over the years, many of my clients have struggled with a desire to satisfy others. As a result, people pleasing becomes second nature to avoid conflict or judgment. But think about it, would you prefer to do what’s comfortable or what’s truly right (for you)?
I'm certainly no stranger to this topic. Growing up, I was the girl who aimed for perfection and desperately wanted to be liked by others. As a result, I allowed fear to control my every step to the point of exhaustion. It took me 20 years to realize I don’t need the approval of others to live my best life.
Fast forward to today, and here’s what I know to be true:
- There is no shame in being "perfectly imperfect"!
We are all flawed in some way, shape or form. Wouldn't it be liberating to remove the mask and confidently express yourself to the world? Taking ownership of your identity alleviates the overwhelming sense of discomfort that tries to defeat you.
- You have to love yourself first before anyone else will.
Accepting your unique qualities and traits can be a challenge so why not learn to appreciate the beauty of your differences. For instance, my great-grandmother had crooked pinkies that were passed down to me and my kids. Although many think it’s weird, it’s always been special “to us” which makes it kind of endearing.
- Social acceptance is highly overrated.
If you feel emotionally inadequate with a strong desire to “fit in” it may be time to reevaluate your inner circle. Don’t buy into the belief that you're unworthy or not good enough because it's not true! The fact is you were born a blessing, please don’t let ANYone or ANYthing convince you otherwise!
- Someone’s opinion of you is just that, their opinion.
Virtually no one likes feeling judged, yet most people are their own worst critic. Even so, seeking validation from others is a nasty little habit. Silence the haters and focus on people who love and support you unconditionally. Make no apologies for being YOU because authenticity is the most magnetizing quality you can possess.
- Self-Worth (Value) + Self-Esteem (Confidence) = Positive Self-Image. Knowing who you are from the inside out and owning it, takes courage! Equally, what you think about yourself and how you outwardly show that has to match. Otherwise, you’ll end up feeling mediocre without any real sense of direction or fulfillment
Bottom line, there’s no a right or wrong way to be YOU! It's time to free yourself from the overwhelm and expectation. Start living for (insert your name). Embrace the person you are at your core level. You know, the one who shines without trying, the person inside who undeniably makes you the happiest!
My soul’s mission had been there all along, but it took me twenty years to realize it! It all started when I created my first vision map several years ago while watching an episode of Oprah. I spent an entire afternoon cutting out words/images and pasting them to piece of poster board. It was such a transformative experience to see all my thoughts and feelings visually displayed in front of me and honestly quite therapeutic!
A few years later my map prompted me to share this project with my girlfriends, and to my surprise, it was a big hit! They were so inspired and enlightened by such a simple activity! We went around the table and shared the overall themes of our visual masterpieces. Back then it was the typical "dream board" with an array of materialistic desires we hoped to manifest! We laughed, told stories and bonded in a way like we never had. At the end of the night, one of the gals said: “when are we doing this again”?
And just like that, my annual vision mapping event was created! It was a fun girls night out at my house. We ate dinner and had quality time to visit while we carefully crafted these eye-appealing collages. Our group had become a safe and supportive place to purge our emotions so to speak. And the positive impact this process started making in our lives became the paradigm shift we all needed. I mean, who knew a few words and images could empower us on such a deep level!
A few years later, I decided to become a certified life coach and began incorporating these mapping events into my business. Shortly after, I was going through an old art folder from high school and what I found, blew me away! Low and behold it was a collage I created in 11th-grade. I was instantly taken back to the classroom looking through magazines and gluing paper cutouts onto a half-sized sheet of construction paper.
Recently, my writing mentor took a poll regarding a "me too" comment Tony Robbins made at one of his events. I was clueless about the incident and googled the video on YouTube to find out more (see below). Here’s my response:
"Wow, this is the first I've heard, but I just googled & watched the video for myself (along with all the Twitter comments from Tarana Burke & Tony). What I will say is I don't think Tony's intentions were malicious BUT yes, he used poor judgment in his execution. The "me too" topic is a delicate subject for many women (including myself); however, I am NOT a victim. The "me too" movement should be to share, empathize and empower others and unfortunately, some are using it for personal gain (sad to say). I think Coach Robbins should have left that topic out of his presentation all together. He did NOT show empowerment through empathy in the clip I saw (disturbing). But I also know Society is quick to point the finger without obtaining all the facts. Ultimately, nobody knows someone else's heart or true motives. Tony has a tough love approach which I appreciate yet in this circumstance he might want to take a step back & see the lack of compassion he showed. Maybe Tony can take a page out of Oprah's book "when you know better, you do better." Coach Robbins replied to the backlash via a Twitter post stating he has profound admiration for the movement. However, sincerity doesn't come from a social media platform, but rather verbal acknowledgment to the person who feels mistreated. I'm rooting for Tony to reign it in here and do what's right, but it starts by "Being humble to see your mistakes, courageous to admit them, and wise enough to correct them. Amine Ayad."
A specific claim Tony made was that he was not mocking the "me too" movement, he was mocking victimhood.
Victim: a person cheated, fooled, or hurt by another
Survivor: to continue to function or prosper
He went on to say how a famous and influential leader he knows hired a man instead of a woman for a job even though she was MORE qualified for the position. Apparently, she was very attractive, and choosing her was too risky.
Ironically, Tony attempted to prove his point yet contradicted his own words. This un-hired woman was categorized as a "victim" by her appearance alone. My guess is she's a confident and capable "survivor" although she wasn't given a fair opportunity in this scenario.
Listen, Tony's human like the rest of us. However, I'm a little annoyed by his actions. He's the reason I got into coaching in the first place.
I think a mirror was being held up to Coach Robbins that day and he chose to be defensive and aggressive instead of listening with thoughtful intention. When you're wrong, you say you’re wrong and mean it. Get off your high horse and lead from a heartfelt place. Otherwise, you’ll lose connection, credibility and be powerless in your pursuit of influence.
What are your thoughts?
Watch here:
Tony Robbins and #metoo - what is wrong with this picture?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74YILhy4RgE
Tony Robbins apologizes to #MeToo founder:
Two years ago, my dad lost his 6 month battle with Stage IV Colon Cancer. No matter how prepared you “think” you are, the loss of a parent is heartbreaking. Growing up my dad was this vibrant, physically fit man who was invincible in my eyes. Yet as I watched him slowly wither away, he became unrecognizable. Frail, irritated (well he was always irritated), stubborn (that’s in the blood line), basically not the person I once knew him to be. His illness came like a thief in the night and was too aggressive even for someone in good health to face.
The past 24 months has been a whirlwind and now that my dad’s gone, it still doesn’t seem real. It’s like watching a snapshot of my life and hoping it was all just a bad dream I would eventually wake up from. Through it all, my stepmom and brother were loyal care givers till the very end. They were selfless in sacrificing their own needs to ensure Dad was comfortable with minimal pain… taking him to every doctor’s appointment/chemo treatment, giving him total control of the remote (imagine round the clock episodes on TV land), administering meds, changing sheets, and keeping up with his overall personal hygiene… The list of duties was endless and with my father’s demanding personality, I know it was no easy task.
I wasn’t able to be there or help as much as I would have liked due to my own health issues, running a household, taking care of kids, working to keep my business afloat and in between wondering if my stepmom & brother resented me for not doing more. Then winter brought a revolving door of sinus infections to my house. The few times my family was well enough to do something fun, I felt guilty for enjoying myself while my dad was lying in a bed fighting for his life.
